As those who have frequented the office would be aware, our fearless leader, Hugh Oliver Stephens, frequently enters a state of being that the Dialogue team refers to as “wired in” (see figure a.)
Regardless as to what your question related to the above image might be, the answer is thus:
All of them.
Entering into this zen-like state has never been a problem for the master and commander of the Dialogue Consulting office. However, snapping him out of it is a technique that requires a degree of creativity and resourcefulness.
Here, for your reading pleasure and further education, is a compilation of our five most successful methods for retrieving Hugh from the furthest reaches of cyberspace.
Method One: Vigorous Shaking.
Success rating: 40%
Treat the Hugh like you would a trauma victim and grab him firmly with two hands, look deeply into his eyes and shake until responsive.
Desperately calling out his name is not essential, but highly emotive.
Method Two: The Artillery.
Success rating: 20%
Early into his employment, Matthew acquired a small foam projectile, which can be launched from an apparatus as shown below.
Simply aim the device accordingly and apply pressure to the launch pad. Hugh occasionally regains consciousness upon contact.
Note: Should the foam rocket prove unavailable or ineffective, the principles of the process can be replicated using other stray pieces of matter from around ones desk. Favoured items include dated trade press articles and the seemingly inexhaustible supply of conference-related gifts.
Method 3: Cat.
Success rating: 60% of the time it works every time.
The only thing Hugh loves more than Tanqueray gin is the Dialogue cat: Tanqueray. Place feline directly on keyboard for euphoric smiles and high-pitched cat-related noises.
Note: Employing method three will likely prove counter-productive as Hugh is more likely to enter an entirely separate trance rather than making the desired return to being a responsive member of society.
Method 4: The Knock.
Success rating: 5% multiplied by frequency and urgency levels.
Whilst “wired in” Hugh proves entirely impervious to anything audible, however much like the great composer, Beethoven, he sometimes proves capable of interpreting tremors and other physical disturbances in his immediate environment.
Hugh Stephens delivers a rousing prezi at a recent Social Media in Healthcare Summit.
Method 5: “If you can’t beat him, join him.”
Success rating: 98%
… Engage him in cyberspace, where Hugh can always be readily contacted by anyone with his Facebook details or Twitter handle.
– The Dialogue Team